i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
