I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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