i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His hands were made for my vagina.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
