Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
