U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
