if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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