if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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