just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My pussy is not your playground.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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