got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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