the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
