Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
