i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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