Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
