I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina is officially offended.
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