Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
