I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
