I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
