i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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