idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
