we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
