he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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