Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
