the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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