New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
