I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
