Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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