There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
