Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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