Kiss
Puke
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
