it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
