I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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