remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
