I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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