His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
