soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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