i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
