I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
