he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
