I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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