I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
