Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
