Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
