respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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