And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
