So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
