At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
