I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
