oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Your cock deserves a montage
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
