I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
