the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
