Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
