I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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