So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
