home. puking in laundry basket.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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