It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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