Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
