I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
