..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
