her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
