So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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