Pants 0. Shit 1.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
