That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When are your genitals available?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
