Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
