this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
