I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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