i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
