i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
