i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
