Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
