There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
