You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
