I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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