As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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