I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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