fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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