So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
