is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
